Three years ago today I quit drinking alcohol.
I had developed a fond affinity for too much beer and each 'next time' I could drink as many of them as I wanted to. The 'next times' got closer and closer together and every occasion became a reason to have a few.
After a while it began to define me. No matter what I did that was good, it was marred by my secret:
"You're a good mother."
Voice in my head, "But I drink too much."
"I'm so glad you are my friend."
Voice in my head, "But I drink too much."
"Wow, you've built a great business."
Voice in my head, "But I drink too much."
Having the bad thing took all the good stuff away. I couldn't own any of it. I was ashamed of myself.
Have you ever sat on the beach when big puffy clouds are blocking the sun?
When the sun isn't behind the clouds, it's the perfect day. You keep looking up to sort out how many more minutes it's going to take for the current cloud to roll by?
I was with a friend and we were doing that this summer. We looked down the beach and saw that a few miles up the road it wasn't cloudy at all. We hopped in the car, planted our chairs in the sand, and enjoyed the day of sunshine.
We swam in the same water and walked in the same sand, but did it under the bright, warm sun. It was lovely.
Getting out from under drinking cast a beautiful light on my life. Now I can own and enjoy the good things about myself. Funny how that one bad thing took so much of the good stuff away.
I'm a good mother.
I am a good friend.
I am building a great business.
It is nice to believe all that. Those are the things I'd like to define me. It's great to live in the light.
"Five hundred twenty-five thousand six hundred minutes Five hundred twenty-five thousand moments so dear Five hundred twenty-five thousand six hundred minutes How do you measure, measure a year?
In daylights, in sunsets In midnights, in cups of coffee In inches, in miles In laughter, in strife
In five hundred twenty-five thousand six hundred minutes How do you measure a year in the life..."
~Seasons of Love, RENT
