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Just for Now

I'm a library nerd. For someone who doesn't read many books cover to cover, I could get lost in a library for hours. I check out a stack of books (mostly non-fiction) and skim the parts that interest me. I'm lucky enough that I can ride my bike to my local library. It's seriously less than half a mile away. Part of the trek is on a 50mph highway, but I have mastered the skill of riding in the grass on the shoulder of the road as needed.

I'd seen the sign at the front of the library several times, saying that they offered Yoga on the first and third Thursday in the evening, but I hadn't attended.

I need yoga. I like yoga. I also have little patience, and for me yoga is a bit of an exercise in patience.

Taking one's time, focusing on breath, feeling the stretch...also I'm a big fan of doing things on my own timeline. In a class with an instructor, they set the pace. See, I'm an efficiency expert: I like to do all I can do in the shortest amount of time. If you don't believe this you need only witness my rage at the gas pumps at Sam's Club. When someone climbs out of their car and doesn't have their membership card ready to insert my internal temperature raises 5 degrees. When they are through pumping I allow a 5 second grace period for them to pull away from the pump so I can have my turn. After their allotted 5 seconds I am speaking aloud in my car to them about how they need to get the heck out of my way as I slowly inch forward to encourage their departure from the gas lane.

As I said, I need yoga. both for stretching my knotted muscles into submission and for practicing patience (with both myself and others).

Since my sons are settled at college, I have hours to fill that used to be used cooking, watching soccer games, doing laundry, or just being home to share space with them. I mentally committed that I would attend yoga at the library this past Thursday night.

As the hour arrived I blew the dust off my yoga mat and tossed it in a bag with some library books I needed to return as well as a water bottle. Off I went.

People are fascinating: There was one petite lady who looked like the head of the PTA but when she opened her mouth sounded like she had a 2 pack a day habit. She was relieved to hear it was my first time attending so she wouldn't be alone in that state.

There was another woman who was a bit put off that people were actually in attendance at the class...apparently she and her friend had been pretty much the only people who showed up the past few sessions. She was clearly excited to demonstrate her prowess on the yoga mat and added extra flair to her hand movements so all of us newbies would recognize that she was advanced.

The instructor was a lovely woman named Kris. Or Chris. There was no spelling in the class, despite it being in a library. Kris was tall and kind and lead us through a lovely yoga session.

The end was my favorite. We all were lying face up on our mats and she lead a mini-meditation. Each sentence started with, "Just for now..." so for example she said something like "Just for now I am calm and content. Just for now I am letting go of my worries."

Just for now.

I can do anything just for now.

I felt like her 3 little words were the magic pixie dust I needed to sprinkle on my life. I struggle so much with being in the moment. I mean, I have to get my Sam's Club gas, then go by Lidl to get butter and eggs, and then I need to get home to switch the laundry. These inefficient people need to get out of my way.

Or...I could do things just for now:

"Just for now I am patiently waiting."

"Just for now I am running."

"Just for now I am cleaning this closet."

"Just for now I am writing this blog."

"Just for now I miss my mom."

I can do many, many things if it's "just for now." I can also get through a lot of things if I realize it's "just for now."

Kris gave me a gift on Thursday night that I've already used at least 20 times. She helped me be in the moment when I was in her class, but she's helped me to be in the moment in the hours and days since.

Time flies. I need to stop pushing forward so efficiently and be present.

Even if it's just for now.


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