I wish I could remember where I heard it, someone said dating later in life is like Love, Actually meets the Fast and the Furious.
I think they are right in lots of ways. It's like at this age we know how fast time goes and we are trying to beat the clock to true love. I go into dates telling myself I just want to meet people and have a good time, but I can't help but be at least subliminally looking for something that will stick.
If someone does have potential, I find myself daydreaming and theoretically meshing our lives well before any sane person would do so. I cannot honestly tell you if I'd like to get married ever again, but I do know that I'd like to have "my person."
I don't feel lonely or like something is wrong with being solo, I just prefer having a partner in life. Sometimes not dating is safer. When I open my mind and heart up to possibility, and then the phone doesn't ring or the text doesn't come, I begin spiralling down a rabbit hole that I avoided altogether when I was just chilling on my couch keeping my own self company.
After several recent dates with a potential Mr. Right, I came to the bizarre realization that he couldn't possibly be the one for me. I say it's bizarre, because throughout the dates I kept hoping I was the one for him.
I enjoy his company. I find him interesting in many ways. He's handsome and takes good care of himself. He checks a lot of boxes.
He just doesn't have enough words for me.
Let's face it, as the youngest of 11 children I never felt super-important, then I married someone and I didn't feel cherished in that relationship. I'm ready to be #1. I want to be with someone who finds me fascinating, likes me, and tells me so. I want to be with someone that asks me all about me, that wants to know what makes me tick.
That's not this guy. And I swear it's not that I'm not interesting. He just doesn't take an interest or care about details or something.
I'm laughing as I'm suddenly thinking of a caveman:
"She Girl. Girl good."
That kind of seems to be all he needs to know.
That's just not going to work for me. I want to tell someone about the ups and downs of my day, I want to shoot a text that says, "just had a great run with my friend," and hear back, "So awesome! Text you after this meeting." I mean, I don't need constant stroking or hour long phone calls, but it's 2018. Sending a love interest a text shouldn't feel like sending smoke signals.
Could he become more communicative? Maybe. But he's a middle aged man, I'm pretty sure he is who he's going to be. And it's okay that I'm fast and furious at realizing that this can't be love, actually. Time flies. Life is short.
I don't think I'm supposed to want to change someone's communication style completely so that I feel cared about. I think the right person will, for the most part, communicate the way I need them to. Like my friend said, if you're fishing for Cobia, and catch a flounder, don't keep the flounder just because you caught something.
If you don't fish what you wish, you have to fish again. In keeping with the title I really let us all down not ending on a car metaphor...next time, I promise.